There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
