Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
