before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
