I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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