and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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