Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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