Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Drake has all the answers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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