Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
