He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
