Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
