Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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