That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
