Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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