fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
