I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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