im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
