No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
