As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
FUCK WHALES
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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