I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Im part way to drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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