Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
