but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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