I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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