it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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