What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
well you can't waste a boner
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
