I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
