I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
