I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
