I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
