The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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