sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
