he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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