your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize