I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
