the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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