so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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