You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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