He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
