before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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