you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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