So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
