Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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