Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
