Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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