i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am one with the molecules
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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