I want to stick my p in your. b.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
