he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
