I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
