Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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