I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
