best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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