Pappa wants mamma naked
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
