I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
