Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize