i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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