We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
