Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize