I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
