if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
not ubering you a puppy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
