I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
