shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
