Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i think i just lost a toe
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize