Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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