i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
