i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
