He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
