Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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