Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it hurts more in the daytime
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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