I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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