someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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