that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
