I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
