U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
