I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize