this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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