I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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