I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize