I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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