so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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