You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
